Whoever says parenting is easy LIES! It is not easy. And, one of the hardest and most frustrating parts is the fact that you don't know the outcome until 20 years down the line! That's a lot of investment and a long time to find out if you messed up or not.
If the kids are having trouble with friends do I say something or ignore it? If I say something, does that draw attention to it and make it worse? If I ignore it, is that silently saying, "It's ok" (if they hurt your feelings..or you hurt theirs) ...thereby, making it worse?
How much parental guidance is just that, guidance, and how much is being a "helicopter" parent? Is being a "helicopter" parent bad? Is being an absent parent better? Is there a balance in between? How do you know where that balance is?
If I don't feed my children organically grown, antioxidant rich, good for you food ALL the time, will they question their up bringing later in life?
What form of discipline REALLY works? Time out? Taking things away? Grounding? Extra chores? And, if NONE of those work, what do I do?
When two of them are fighting with the, "Alora" "Arionna" back and forth, do I say something? Yes, it is a life lesson, but since it is a LESSON isn't it my job to teach them how to work these situations out?
Does my child need to have play dates every other day to be successful socially? Or, can I be my true self and just be a hermit?
When they are sick, or injured, how much sympathy is too much? How much extra leeway do you give?
I honestly think there is no black and white in parenting. There are only differing shades of gray. What works for one parent may not work for me...and vise versa. What works for one child, may not work for another. What works in one life stage may not work in the next stage.
I sometimes wish you could pinpoint the "what went wrong" in parenting when you see a parent dealing with a difficult child. I think, "If I knew the mistake they made, I would make sure I didn't make it, too!" But, as a good friend pointed out, I may not make *that* mistake, but I am bound to make others.
All I know is, I probably should just scrap the college funds and start investing in future counseling instead.
LOL on your last line. I often say, "that's a therapy moment" under my breath when "I" question something I do;)
ReplyDeleteAmen! I go to group counseling, and mostly we talk about our upbringing. My new goal in life is to make sure that when my kids sit in group counseling as an adult, they aren't talking about me like I talk about my mom. LOL But I still fail (like last night) because I'm not perfect, and neither are my kids. Then we have an asperger's kid and one with OCD/Anxiety thrown into the mix. So if there *is* a parenting handbook, you can just toss it out where those two are concerned.
ReplyDeleteAnd then they come up and give you a hug and say, "I love you Mommy." And all is right in the world.